God's Love

2005-12-01T22:07:00.000-08:00

Today is the last day of sch.. but i am not happy at all, cos i am very sianz now. How?? no work, no $$, no food 2 eat, eat grass lor. Haiz.. from monday nitez till wed nitez, got nightmare. 3 nitez of nightmares all on that 'man'. Argh.. wad happened?? why he keep huanting me? when i no longer thought of him, why does he still haf to haunt me in my dreams? 'fang guo wo ba!!'

2005-11-20T17:32:00.000-08:00

Today is monday. another 10 more lesson before my holidays started. last sunday, i had a conversation with him. he left me because he wans me to be happy despite of still loving me. i got very disappointed with him. 2 years of relationship, instead of solving the proble, he choose to gave up. what is this?? act noble?? its so simple? why the hell u gonna make things so complicated. see the way u're acting like somebody else, get to me frustrated! been pondering for the entire week abt this. but i think no point. he won be back anyway. even if he does, i cant. got so moody becos of this. till i teared in front of my student last week when his chair knock onto my hands. not painful. just blue black till not. but i teared.

2005-11-09T11:44:00.000-08:00

Wa.. its been some time since i last touch this blog. Did u guys miss me?? hmm.. recently, there is this guy in RP falling for me. What's amazing is, he's 1 year younger than me. also dunno understand what makes him for for me, when i'm older then him. he said i'm smart, funny, and got lots of crap, but dunno when u crap and when not to crap. Rejected him le, but still calls me. Argh.. i think God really has a plan for each one of us. he puts me in Biomedical Science course, which i hate this course initially. But i think now i'm in love with science. quite fun and interesting.. my mom got the medical result le. Thank God, its non cancerous. stupid doctor anyhow scare me!! better watch out!! *heave a sigh of relieve* life is full of uncertainties. i also dunno what i wan to do after poly. but i'm very determind to go univfersity. i wan to go to Harvard University!! haha.. so far scored 4 As for my daily grade liao. wa.. jia you!! my fac say i like to smile. every time he saw me, he found me smiling. wahaha.. continue with this kind of lifestyle ba. this is the kind of life i wan to live, instead of keep dwelling into my depression of him. I think its also a kind of blessing in disguise that Zhong Wei left me 4 months ago. ya, my student failed his maths paper with 42%, but scored 70% for his language papers. As ezpected he will fail his maths. A very smart, yet lazy boy. he really lazy until, expect me to give him every answer on his maths homework. i was so angry that, i gave him all the ans, without him having to do anything. but i got explained to him how i derive the answer. but he din bother to listen. i have already done my best as a teacher liao.

2005-10-25T19:43:00.000-07:00

Hey, one week had passed, and how u guys?? my mom is recovering now. thankz for all ya concern. now waiting for her report, whether it cancerous. today is wed. Monday, culture module. i one man show on the floor. think its a nice one. tuesday, pon school. reach sch liao, then decided to run away with my friend. went to orchard Swensen to eat American breakfast. very nice. there's fruit juice, fruits, croissant, danish pastry, i got omelette for my main course with bacon and ham and lastly a tea. A very scumptious and nice breakfast. make me full the whole entire afternoon. this morning just had my UT( understanding test). i think should be able to pass, hopefully a B or an A. Wa liew, recently very tired. i gonna quit my teaching soon on my student. Gonna find another student. really cant stand him liao.. very naughty. no energy to scold him liao..

2005-10-17T11:23:00.000-07:00

Just came back. i'm so tired. really very tired. also dunno why. Today, i din go to school. wakes up at abt 9 plus. mom is going for an operation today, at her breast's lump. suppossingly, my sis and i were going to accompany her to the hospital, but she last mintute din go. so i went to Singapore General Hospital with mom. We were late. Reached there and registered at about 2pm. After that, she went in to change to hospital clothes and i waited outside. she was pushed into the operation theatre by 3pm, but i din get to accompany her during the period when she was being sent in to the operation theatre. i waited outside alone, patiently. i found myself shivering. Firstly, its very cold there. but after wearing my jacket, i was still shivering. cos i am really very scared and worried for her. i prayed continously that she won be facing any complications during the surgery and she be able to come out safe and sound. whole surgery took one hour plus, when the stupid surgeon say its only a half an hour surgery. can u imagine, when she's already so skinny, and she still have to undergo all this pain. she din say that she's scared, but i know that she's very scared.

when i finally saw her being pushed out from the operation theatre, she was concious. lying weakly on the operating bed, she smiled and waved gently at me. i could feel the pain in her from her painful smile. at that point of time, i almost burst out. but i know i have to stay strong. It really broke my heart when i see her in pain. the stupid lump is 4cm big. it really stunned me. saw a picture of it. its so bloody. i miss her. really do. Worried for the whole afternoon and evening. it really drained me mentally and physically. think this explained why i'm so tired, when i din even do anything today. Pls continue to pray for her. i think i cant hang on le. i'm falling sick now liao.

2005-10-11T23:37:00.000-07:00

Something i once worried, has just happened onto me. suddenly feel so tired. i dunno when is the day, where i will collapse one day. my mummy is suspected of dignosing breast cancer. once, i heard the news, i almost fainted on to the floor. What happened?? i really dunno wad to do next. i'm really very scared. really. will somebody out there understand how i feel now?? i dun wan to lose my mummy so soon. i love my mummy. i really do.

2005-10-09T10:58:00.000-07:00

First week of 2nd semester had past very quickly, and today is sunday. this whole entire 5 days of sch really drained me. i'm so tired. and i actually fall sick on the third day of sch, which is wed. think i din have enough sleep and i was caught in the rain, and went straight into my class, which is so cold, like north pole. caught a cold, sore throat and cough. until now still haven recover, but feel better le. hope i'll recover fully soon. think should be able to adapt by next week. getting my pay next week, so happy, and go and spend money again. going to broke soon. haha.. this whole entire week also very busy, by the time i reached home is already 10, by the time is sleep is already 12. so tiredzz.. suddenly feel like cutting my hair short, but scared turn out to be not nice. till now still haven reply my message, cos i wan it to be neutral. ph value 7. but whatever i typed, it sounds like there is a bit of scarcasm and double meaning. haiz.. also dunno what to do. maybe, until now i still cant forget and forgive. anyway, its not going to affect me, becase of my busy lifestyle. i have my friends and my loved ones and of cos God. Everything will be fine soon since everything is over.

2005-10-03T23:53:00.000-07:00

Today's my first day of second semester. last night din sleep well. since primary 1, till now, whenever its the 1st day of every term start, the night b4 i cant sleep. so i now very tired. today dunno wad happen to me got gastric pain. 2 times. one in the morning, pain all the way till afternoon. and another attack was just now. just took my medication. today my facilitator praised me, he said i'm a very wise woman, and ask my team members to listen to me..
haha.. today's RJ also very difficult, but i anyhow bullshit, most of them took from web one. just now after sch, went shopping with jolene. i bought one set of bra, congrats man, i increase my cup. wahaha.. wa lao, spent $95 on the whole set of stupid bra. broke liao.. haha.. woman just have to spent so much $$ on such nonsense. k la, i gtg sleep liao. nitez...

2005-09-29T01:32:00.000-07:00

Today, early in the morning, 'Da Yi Ma' come visit me. then we go to modern beauty salon do facial. quite good la, the facial. the place also very soothing. Wa.. whole day menses cramp. so pain and tired. gon tuition i also no energy to teach. Today i very emotional and tired. then i went crying just now. Partly is also becos of the arguement. haiz.. afterall, i'm still a woman. Its been a long time since i cried. about one month plus, almost 2 month le. last time used to cried very often. now 2 months nv cry, suddenly cry, feel so good. hopefully tomorrow will be a better day...

2005-09-27T23:57:00.000-07:00

Hello.. today, a bit sianz. sleep until eleven plus then wake up. last night got insomia as usual. all Jolene's fault lor, tot she say wan to go gym, then in the end nv go. haha.. then went out with her to lot 1 eat and shop. argh.. spent a lot of money again on shopping. we also went to arcade. wa, haven been there for quite sometime lo. quite fun, tho i lose to her in Daytona, then we went to the neoprint machine and post a lot of post without putting in credits. like 'zi lian kuang' like that. wahaha.. haiz, Jolene still say i very 'sao' among them. (chinese first tone) english dunno call wad. passionate?? flirtatious?? bitchy?? sexy?? naughty?? dunno la..

After that, go give tuition. as usual, go into the house, my boy is still playing. As usual took his books in to the room. then his brother and him dunno why, suddenly fight. so i shouted at them to stop it. then he got hurt on his nose and cried out loud. he cried and complaned to his granny. his granny threw him in to the tuition room and close the door. Duh!! i have to start the lesson, and he was there still crying and sobbing so pitifully leh. wa, then i also panic, dunno i should shout at him or say in a gentle way. first, i said it in a very stern way. "stop it. stop crying, and get back to ur work!" but he still continue crying. haiz.. left with no choice but to coax him liao lor. 'hush, ok, simon. u listen to me k? where is it that hurts?' i asked in a very gentle tone. then he point to his nose, still crying. 'ok, let me see ur nose now. hmm.. ok, listen to me now. ur nose is not bleeding. i dun see any blood coming out. u dun go and touch ur nose, it will be fine soon. now, go and get back to ur seat and we start work now k?' i coaxed. then give hin tissue to wipe away is tears. out of a sudden, i feel like a nursery teacher or even his mother. i wonder, next time will i coax my children like this or say it in a stern way. hmm.. most probably, coax ba.. haha..

'zhe yang xiao cai dui ma, jiu shi zhe yang xiao..' (thats the smile)

2005-09-26T02:27:00.000-07:00

I just got a few nice remarks from 2 friends. one said that, at the first look on me, he knows i'm a cristian. the other one, sat i'm fit to be a teacher. so funny. but i wan to be a teacher. teach maths and sciences in sec sch. next time when i got my own children, i wan to quit. and be a part time tutor. can take care of my children and teach at my home. isn't this nice??
haha.. am i thinking too far?? well.. but its good to have a plan. yeah!!

2005-09-25T23:52:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. yesterday went to Shangri la work. give tuition liao, then went to work. i release late, so i have to rush down to work. took cab from redhill somemore. suppose to work at waterfall terrace, which require us to wear tuxedo uniform, but i din know. so i change to normal uniform. went up to report, sianz. go down to change uniform again. since i have already report, so i dilidalli with rui juan, change to tuxedo. very funny, we actually lost our way. cos seldom go to waterfall work, so dun really know how to go there. thank God, got rui juan accompany me. then we lost our way together. but in the end still make it there. go there, work with captain AJ. wa, sian. is actually a cocktail reception on selling of apartments in Bali. so sian lor, the whole finction nothing to do, accept do cocktail, do clearing. walk here and there. like a vase. so during the function, got one guest talked to me. ask me am i singaporean. Don't i look like local?? just becos i'm fair, i look like ppl from China?? Duh. then ask me my age. he guess 19. then he told me, he wanted to guess 23, scared i heartbroken. so guess younger. dots.. do i look so old?? then he ask me why i so skinny? ask me got eat ma?? then i say i definately eat more then he does. haha.

When whole function ends, of cos is clearing time lor. hmm.. clear the candles and flowers. so sian lor.. the tunnel so long, still must walk 4 times. then i broke the flower glass. haiz.. i also carried the lazy susan glass, so heavy lor. wa.. walk all the way to furiture store. but got sense of achievement. i'm a strong girl. can carry so heavy thingy. haha.. then sign out at 11, one more hr extra $$. hmm.. then we go to the locker room and bathe. dun have tower, so have to wear the tuxedo long sleeve shirt out, so big lor the shirt. like man's tuxedo like that. so i came out from the bath room, with nothing, but the tuxedo long sleeve shirt ONLY. walk around the locker. haha, since all woman, no fear. so i walk here and there to dry myself, cos i dun wan my clothes to get wet. then melissa say, 'wa, u look very sexy leh'. haha, so pai seh. then we took photos, with my tuxedo on onli.. haha. after that went up to the office, eat 2 bowls of sharks' fin and a mushroon. very nice. went to the chiller roon, eat dessert. also very nice. yum yum. captain dennis saw me. 'wa, u came back, i tot u hate hotel line? but very happy to see u and i welcome u back to join us.' haha.. and left with ' ai ya, just tok to u a few mintutes, i have to leav to work now.. see ya'. sounds very encouraging to me.. din got scolded for the whole function, so very happy. no transport. share cab with my friends...

2005-09-22T21:02:00.000-07:00

Wa.. last night i went clubbing with my friends. so fun lor. really enoyed myself a lot. we met at clarke quay, then we went to Gotham Penthouse. but the guys cannot go in, cos, guys age must be 23 and above. but girls, 18. so we dun wan to pang seh the guys, so we went down to 'the one night stand'. the live band there really impressed me with their 'dun phunk wif my heart'. very nice. actually the one night stand is for 2ut we still manage to get in BY E BACK DOOR. After that we left, to MS and we went to 'DESIRE 2'. Its ladies night and got freeflow of drinks. but i only too 2 cups of liquor. The music is full blast, but surprisingly, nobody is at the dance floor dancing. so we dance near out seats as nobody dare to go up and dance. but after awhile, we, 4 girls, 2 guys, went to the dance floor and dance. haha.. we dance until very tired, went back to seat and oreder one jar of liquor when the bartender approach us. so i asked him to recommand, thereafter he serve us the jar, and its nice. at first he say he wan to give us strong one, but we dun wan. so he gave us mild one..haha. got one gentleman also approach us, wan to dance with us, then after that he left. but initially, when we went up, one caucasian gentleman, came to the dance floor and dance with us. he danced with me too. holding my hands, turning around. dance until very high. we went there wif 2 guys, so the girls said one of the guy, amos, likes me, cos he like keep talking to me and dancing with me. Then ah, b4 the pub close at 3am, the last song is a very slow song, from R&B, hip hop, 2 the last song which is a slow song, then also dunno why, amos was just coincidentally dancing in front of me, so i danced tango with him. haha, very funny. then they 'wooed' at both of us la, so pai seh. R&B' s really nice, also nicer to dance, compare to techno.

When the pub close, the same bartender send us out. he shooked my hand, and said thank you to him. then he suddenly pull me close to him, and he wisper to my ears, 'you're very pretty'. haha.. so happy to get praised. then we left to Gothem Penthouse. we went there, actually wan to get a jar of liquor. but 1 jar, $40. so ex!! then we went to dance. again, the dance floor, is onli us, the 4 girls. dance until very happy also. then it close. we went to another pub, the club. is for 25 years and above, but manage to get in. wa, inside, all old man and old woman, all old cantonese song. so sian, then we came out and wait for the first train. we ah, haha, seems like club hopper. went to 4 pub altogether in one night. A very nice experience, tho, its the second time i went clubbing. Morning, 8 plus then reach home. But i realli enjoyed myself a lot. haven been so happy for quite sometime le.